First and foremost, this nursing thing is cool. I'm pretty certain Evie's starting her 6-week growth spurt, and managed to suck me dry 3 times yesterday. This hasn't happened since my milk came in, and was honestly very frustrating. But due to the supply and demand of nursing, I have more milk than Evie knows what to do with. Yay!
*****
Due to PCOS, for the past 2 years I was constantly gaining weight. At first it was incredibly distressing, but then I got used to it. I was just hoping my body would find some sort of equilibrium, and I could build a wardrobe to fit that body, whatever it is. I was honestly comfortable being fat, in fact I was more comfortable in my own skin than when I was skinny. Being larger was wonderful; I took up more space, both physically and metaphorically. I felt like I had more gravitas, that I couldn't be ignored. And lo and behold, I wasn't ignored or dismissed nearly as often because I was no longer a "little girl." I had the body of a European peasant and I enjoyed it.
Then I got pregnant, and I loved that body too. I thought I looked great all swollen and with my ridiculously distended abdomen. I had no problem when people made comments about how huge I was. It was an objective fact, I was huge.
Now I'm dropping inches faster than I ever imagined possible. I've been below my pre-prego weight since 2 weeks postpartum, and thankfully the pounds have stopped dropping off so fast. I'm ostensibly stabilizing at my pre-prego weight. But I'm getting thinner. And thinner. And thinner.
I bought a pair of pants based on my pregnancy hip measurements, thinking that like most women I'd come out of pregnancy a bit larger than before. They fit, beautifully. Now they're ridiculously baggy.
I started wearing my "I'm super bloated" jeans, which are so loose that they can go on and off without any button or zipper being undone.
Today I'm wearing my "I feel really skinny" jeans, and they're looser than pre-pregnancy.
This is just mind-boggling to me. I was the fat girl and proud of it. I had no shame about my body size and love telling people how much the whole obesity panic is bullshit. Now I'm that girl who's dropping weight with no effort, who's quickly becoming skinny, and I don't know what to do. I've discovered that any significant change in body size or shape will change your sense of self, and even outside of becoming a mother my sense of self is shifting again.
I don't nkow what my self-image is anymore. It needs to readjust, which is exhausting and confusing.
Like when I was gaining weight, I honestly hope that my weight/size stabilize soon, and I can settle into one body. Please stop changing so fast!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
I'm now a Mommy Blogger!
Ok, this blog is officially done. All new posts will be up at Crafting Motherhood
Monday, June 29, 2009
Evie's asleep!
Maybe I have a few minutes to post.
-Milk's in. A lot. Boy do I have milk. Anyone want some?
-Evie is super duper healthy. Just came back from the first ped. appt. and she's only down 5 oz, has no hint of jaundice, is active, nursing well, etc.
-Last night sucked, literally. She has diaper rash already, and spent most of last night either screaming or cuddling me. She wouldn't let me put her down, wouldn't let Kevin hold her, wouldn't let Grandma (Kevin's mom) hold her, nothing. It was me and me only. Let's just say I broke every single rule for infant sleep last night, and still only managed 2 hours.
-Healing tolerably well from the c-section. The fact that all I'm doing is nursing and healing helps a lot.
Overall the c-section went well, but the hospital stay had some issues. Provena doesn't have a doctor in overnight, at all. Meaning if I had come in bleeding from, say, placenta abruptio, it'd be a minimum of 30 minutes before I could have a section, and that's assuming there's an anesthesiologist in the building to get my spinal started. I find that really disturbing, and makes that whole "what if something happens and you need an emergency section?" argument against homebirth null.
Also, they were very mean to me, in the beginning. I have pictures of how they were treating me that made me cry, and will probably never see the light of day. The 6 hours pre-section but post-homebirth were probably the worst of my life, and I'm glad I was too exhausted to remember all of it. The thing that blows my mind is that they were worried about Evie enough to not give me any drugs, but not worried enough to give me an emergency section.
And now, pictures!
-Milk's in. A lot. Boy do I have milk. Anyone want some?
-Evie is super duper healthy. Just came back from the first ped. appt. and she's only down 5 oz, has no hint of jaundice, is active, nursing well, etc.
-Last night sucked, literally. She has diaper rash already, and spent most of last night either screaming or cuddling me. She wouldn't let me put her down, wouldn't let Kevin hold her, wouldn't let Grandma (Kevin's mom) hold her, nothing. It was me and me only. Let's just say I broke every single rule for infant sleep last night, and still only managed 2 hours.
-Healing tolerably well from the c-section. The fact that all I'm doing is nursing and healing helps a lot.
Overall the c-section went well, but the hospital stay had some issues. Provena doesn't have a doctor in overnight, at all. Meaning if I had come in bleeding from, say, placenta abruptio, it'd be a minimum of 30 minutes before I could have a section, and that's assuming there's an anesthesiologist in the building to get my spinal started. I find that really disturbing, and makes that whole "what if something happens and you need an emergency section?" argument against homebirth null.
Also, they were very mean to me, in the beginning. I have pictures of how they were treating me that made me cry, and will probably never see the light of day. The 6 hours pre-section but post-homebirth were probably the worst of my life, and I'm glad I was too exhausted to remember all of it. The thing that blows my mind is that they were worried about Evie enough to not give me any drugs, but not worried enough to give me an emergency section.
And now, pictures!
Friday, June 26, 2009
We're home!
I'd like to introduce my daughter!
As you can guess from Manda's post, Evie's entrance was interesting. It turns out all the prodromal labor and then 34 hours of real labor were because she decided to come out face first. That, plus size meant c-section. And despite the fact that I didn't get my homebirth, I'm honestly not upset. C-sections and hospitals exist for a reason, and I didn't go until it had become necessary.
So, here's the obligatory, and long, birth story.
I went into active labor about 4:30 on Tuesday, with contractions STARTING off at 2 minutes apart. I managed to stay very cheerful for the first 6 hours until I began feeling an excruciating burning in my pelvis, which I now know was a sign something was wrong. 2 hours of the most god awful pain I could imagine, and I almost went to the hospital, especially since at that point I was only 2-3cm. However we got labor to calm down, and I got a few hours of rest, and we were able to start again.
The next 24 hours went pretty well, and I tolerated labor beautifully. I was dilating slowly but steadily, and Evie was getting very low. At one point I was 7cm and at +2 or +3, and was actually able to reach in and feel what I now know is her forehead. There's nothing cooler than that, seriously. An hour or two later the excruciating burning happened again, about the time I entered transition. And then left it. And then entered it again. During the 2nd transition I started trying to push, which seemed to be a bad idea. It felt good, but the pain became unbearable and I stopped progressing.
We made the call to go to the hospital at midnight on June 25th, after 34 hours of labor. The husbandman, as exhausted as I was but not running on hormones, became extremely upset, but is now perfectly fine with the situation. The first 6 hours at the hospital though were some of the worst in my life. I'd been dealing with labor pain by moving around and getting in water, neither of which I was allowed to do at the hospital. First they needed to get 30 minutes of heart readings on her, which required me standing still, a near impossibility for back labor. And then her heart pattern wasn't reassuring so they made me lay on my left side with an oxygen mask, which was even worse. 2 of my 3 nurses were wonderful, but one was a total bitch. You do not tell a woman who's been in labor for 34 hours to get into the most excruciating position possible with the sole explanation being "it's for your baby." FUCK. YOU. She wouldn't even give me drugs for the first 3 hours, and when they did it wasn't a painkiller but phenergan, which makes you loopy. So I lost all lucidity but was clearly still in a ton of pain. Luckily I don't remember this, but the husbandman does. Poor him.
At 6:00 the doctor came in and recommended a cesarean. I had a decent enough understanding of the situation that I knew it was necessary, and heartily agreed. Within an hour I was in the operating room getting my spinal, and at 7:35 they pulled my daughter out of my body. I was shown a glimpse of her before they whisked her out of the room, with the husbandman following. I slept through the rest of the surgery, though I do remember something about a bladder blade and lots of pulling.
As Manda said, she was 9lbs 12oz, and had released meconium inside of me. Thankfully this didn't complicate the surgery, but the husbandman got to watch her get everything all suctioned out. Ew. 2 hours after birth they wheeled her into our room and I got to nurse for the first time, which I have to say was one of the best moments of my life.
She's nursing like a champ; my milk's not in yet but I am only 36 hours post partum. The nurses treated me wonderfully throughout my stay, with that one exception, and the hospital was VERY good about following parent instructions with newborn procedures. They didn't say anything about us refusing the Hep B vax (I don't have hepatitis, so neither does she, we'll be getting it when she's older), and only made a bit of a fuss about the eye goop because of some law. Which means that I do in fact have my first DCFS case open :) Per some law, if you refuse the erythromycin ointment you must be reported to DCFS for medical neglect, which really annoys them. The social worker introduced herself by saying that she was going to mark this complaint as unfounded as I have the perfect right to not put goop in my newborn's eye. In 30 days we'll be out of the system.
My OB, the one I've lauded repeatedly here, is very homebirth friendly. The hospital knew we were a transfer, but all she said about it was "you've had quite the journey, haven't you?" I think the fact that we were homebirthing (and that I'm healing extremely well and Evie's perfectly healthy) is why she let us go home a day and a half after surgery. So now I'm confined to my upstairs with my husband and mother in law taking care of us, and couldn't possibly be happier.
More pictures are forthcoming, I assure you.
As you can guess from Manda's post, Evie's entrance was interesting. It turns out all the prodromal labor and then 34 hours of real labor were because she decided to come out face first. That, plus size meant c-section. And despite the fact that I didn't get my homebirth, I'm honestly not upset. C-sections and hospitals exist for a reason, and I didn't go until it had become necessary.
So, here's the obligatory, and long, birth story.
I went into active labor about 4:30 on Tuesday, with contractions STARTING off at 2 minutes apart. I managed to stay very cheerful for the first 6 hours until I began feeling an excruciating burning in my pelvis, which I now know was a sign something was wrong. 2 hours of the most god awful pain I could imagine, and I almost went to the hospital, especially since at that point I was only 2-3cm. However we got labor to calm down, and I got a few hours of rest, and we were able to start again.
The next 24 hours went pretty well, and I tolerated labor beautifully. I was dilating slowly but steadily, and Evie was getting very low. At one point I was 7cm and at +2 or +3, and was actually able to reach in and feel what I now know is her forehead. There's nothing cooler than that, seriously. An hour or two later the excruciating burning happened again, about the time I entered transition. And then left it. And then entered it again. During the 2nd transition I started trying to push, which seemed to be a bad idea. It felt good, but the pain became unbearable and I stopped progressing.
We made the call to go to the hospital at midnight on June 25th, after 34 hours of labor. The husbandman, as exhausted as I was but not running on hormones, became extremely upset, but is now perfectly fine with the situation. The first 6 hours at the hospital though were some of the worst in my life. I'd been dealing with labor pain by moving around and getting in water, neither of which I was allowed to do at the hospital. First they needed to get 30 minutes of heart readings on her, which required me standing still, a near impossibility for back labor. And then her heart pattern wasn't reassuring so they made me lay on my left side with an oxygen mask, which was even worse. 2 of my 3 nurses were wonderful, but one was a total bitch. You do not tell a woman who's been in labor for 34 hours to get into the most excruciating position possible with the sole explanation being "it's for your baby." FUCK. YOU. She wouldn't even give me drugs for the first 3 hours, and when they did it wasn't a painkiller but phenergan, which makes you loopy. So I lost all lucidity but was clearly still in a ton of pain. Luckily I don't remember this, but the husbandman does. Poor him.
At 6:00 the doctor came in and recommended a cesarean. I had a decent enough understanding of the situation that I knew it was necessary, and heartily agreed. Within an hour I was in the operating room getting my spinal, and at 7:35 they pulled my daughter out of my body. I was shown a glimpse of her before they whisked her out of the room, with the husbandman following. I slept through the rest of the surgery, though I do remember something about a bladder blade and lots of pulling.
As Manda said, she was 9lbs 12oz, and had released meconium inside of me. Thankfully this didn't complicate the surgery, but the husbandman got to watch her get everything all suctioned out. Ew. 2 hours after birth they wheeled her into our room and I got to nurse for the first time, which I have to say was one of the best moments of my life.
She's nursing like a champ; my milk's not in yet but I am only 36 hours post partum. The nurses treated me wonderfully throughout my stay, with that one exception, and the hospital was VERY good about following parent instructions with newborn procedures. They didn't say anything about us refusing the Hep B vax (I don't have hepatitis, so neither does she, we'll be getting it when she's older), and only made a bit of a fuss about the eye goop because of some law. Which means that I do in fact have my first DCFS case open :) Per some law, if you refuse the erythromycin ointment you must be reported to DCFS for medical neglect, which really annoys them. The social worker introduced herself by saying that she was going to mark this complaint as unfounded as I have the perfect right to not put goop in my newborn's eye. In 30 days we'll be out of the system.
My OB, the one I've lauded repeatedly here, is very homebirth friendly. The hospital knew we were a transfer, but all she said about it was "you've had quite the journey, haven't you?" I think the fact that we were homebirthing (and that I'm healing extremely well and Evie's perfectly healthy) is why she let us go home a day and a half after surgery. So now I'm confined to my upstairs with my husband and mother in law taking care of us, and couldn't possibly be happier.
More pictures are forthcoming, I assure you.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
About A Girl
34 hours of labor without pain killers.
C-section because of position issues and the fact that she was UNdilating (went from 8cm to 3cm).
But at 7:35 this morning, her daughter made her grand debut. Everyone welcome Evelyn Rose Leslie P., born Thursday June 25. She weighs in at 9 pounds, 12 ounces and 21 1/4 inches long. She has a head full of straight brown hair and her parents are madly in love with her. Ashley and Evie are doing very well and will probably have to stay in the hospital 2-3 days to recover. If I end up with pictures, I'll be sure to post them ASAP.
Congratulations Ashley and Husbandman! HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVIE!!!!
C-section because of position issues and the fact that she was UNdilating (went from 8cm to 3cm).
But at 7:35 this morning, her daughter made her grand debut. Everyone welcome Evelyn Rose Leslie P., born Thursday June 25. She weighs in at 9 pounds, 12 ounces and 21 1/4 inches long. She has a head full of straight brown hair and her parents are madly in love with her. Ashley and Evie are doing very well and will probably have to stay in the hospital 2-3 days to recover. If I end up with pictures, I'll be sure to post them ASAP.
Congratulations Ashley and Husbandman! HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVIE!!!!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
UPDATE
Just called Ashley to check in (and be a bother). Before a contraction cut us off, I found out this much:
The rock star has been laboring since 4:30 yesterday evening. That's 29 hours so far, people.
She is currently between 7-8 cm dilated.
She has touched her baby's head. How fucking incredible is that?!
Keep up the good thoughts for Ashley, her budding family, and their midwife.
The rock star has been laboring since 4:30 yesterday evening. That's 29 hours so far, people.
She is currently between 7-8 cm dilated.
She has touched her baby's head. How fucking incredible is that?!
Keep up the good thoughts for Ashley, her budding family, and their midwife.
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